Yet Another Drop of Tear Saved

The typical mongrel that I am,
Everywhere you see, I am there, because we all look alike
But you see, that's what I am,
The typical mongrel that you see on the streets,
The ones that are unwanted.

I am born on the streets,
Grew up not knowing who's my mom two months later, because you see,
She's just gone like that. I don't know if I've got siblings or not.
Left to fend for myself, I contracted illness.
Because you see, that's the typical mongrel that I am.
Hungry day and night, Cold and hot and yet, nobody cares.

Small humans threw sticks and stones at me,
Big humans swing their hands at me,
Some big humans even threw water at me and yelled at me.
Oh, did I mention, there's even some that threw me to the street,
When all I ever wanted was some scraps of their foods.
Or maybe love and attention perhaps?

As one of the lucky ones, I've been saved from the streets,
By a group of kindhearted people.
But you see, I'm still homeless in a way. I'm still sick and I fear humans.
They put me in a cage, fed me what they can afford to, hosing my waste off with me still in the cage.
I'm still shivering in fear, cold and hunger, not to mention pain as well.

One day they just brought me out of my cage,
To where I do not know. Perhaps to a walk? Play hopefully?
After some distance driving, they brought me to a place, put me in a cage again.
Why so many people? Where is this place? Are you going to bully me or beat me again?
But wait, you mean no harm to me, I can tell that much.
You going to bring me home? Pretty please?
I'm the typical mongrel, not your famous breeds of dogs or cute small sized dogs,
But I will love you as much as you love me, that much I can promise you.

Like any other dogs, I can be trained, love and get along.
Treat me well and I'm all about you.
Despite being the typical mongrel that I am.

Anger, Sorrow, Depression, Hate

Well, you know what’s the most depressing thing that happened throughout this entire year? My birthday month turns out to be my most unluckiest and most depressing month ever.

My college life sucks as of now, nothing goes well during this entire semester. Everything has to go wrong and it adds on to the depression that has been growing behind my mind, why on earth am I back to studies wasting my money when I could be earning instead and not be miserable me for the entire course? Nothing good comes out of this college life, that’s for sure. I just wanted my paper done. Is that so hard to ask for? I just want everything to go smooth sailing. IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR SERIOUSLY?

Boyfriend has not been feeling great ever since his leg injury started and frankly speaking, being unable to help in any other way especially even the thoughts of trying to help financially, can be blown away easily and this adds on my depression two fold. Thanks to my stupidity of going back wasting my time and money on studies, this is the first time in my entire life feeling this helpless and being so fucking dependant on a sick person. I’m fucked up since all I can do is complain.

Having a car window broken by some assholes might not be a big deal for everyone, but it is, for me. Having lost an entire car before while it was parked just right outside the house has a big impact on me. I feel for things. I’m cheapskate. I have to be. My modulator was swiped, my thumbdrive was swiped, my coins was swiped, my touch and go card was swiped. Yes, it’s no big deal, but having the stress and finding the car in that state on a rainy morning just made me snap instantly. Seriously, breaking into an old car for all these when there are better cars around the area? Again, I don’t understand the mentality of these sonofabitches and will never do. But one thing I do know, I promise and I will keep this promise that if I see any of these happening right in front of my eyes, with chance, I will do unimaginable things to these people. By all means.

Yes, everyone wants a change to the government. But what about the people themselves? What matters even if the government changes but not the people themselves? You can probably get more better shits for your own good but what’s next? More shit to come? You’re never gonna change yourself even IF THERE IS A REVOLUTION. Are you gonna start caring about the person next to you? Are you gonna start smiling to everyone you see? Be courteous? No cut queues? Not acting like a barbarian? Not being a sonofabitch? Not being a snob? Hold out a helping hand to those in need anytime anywhere without thinking of the person’s background,whether they disgust your or not like cleaning for the elderly or those with mental illness or hoping for anything in return? Will you?! NO, YOU WON’T. Mark my words, even IF there is a revolution, the history will repeat itself if the people does not change themselves first. Before you even THINK of helping out others, why don’t you HELP those AROUND YOU for instance, HELP YOUR OWN FAMILY FIRST then only you start helping others?

Lost and Alone

Yesterday I went off to Ulu Yam with Vincent to bring his aunt back to KL for Chinese New Year. You'd be thinking, why can't the aunt come back herself? Good question. First off, she's suffering from mental illness. Down syndrome or whichever it is, I have no idea. Bottom word, she stays in this Welfare Home for the old folks and those mentally handicapped.

I've visited Ulu Yam for my whole life as my grandma stays there (as well as a whole bunch of relatives). Though I don't really fancy that place due to the heat, it's kinda peaceful and it gets me off the KL rush stress. Oh, I'm kinda out of topic already from here.

Back to track, this is not the first time I've went to Ulu Yam to visit Vincent's aunt. In fact, it's just the second time. I still recall that the first time I went there, I'm quite surprised to find that Ulu Yam have these type of places. Maybe because the land there is cheap for them to build such welfare homes? Or is it the fact that it's kinda isolated? I have no idea. My heart kinda twisted when I really look at the old folks there. Listening to the complaints of the caretaker over there doesn't help in comforting me. It gives me a very sickening impression of the people who even have the heart to leave their very own family member there. To think that the phrase 'Blood is thicker than water' makes me sick to the very core.

There are some pictures I've taken using my phone on my visit there last Sunday. It kinda tear me apart to even think of staying in these type of places. Though the caretaker are nice and friendly, but I do have a very clear feeling of how the people there really do feel. Some of them are not even mentally ill. They are just really old and unwanted by their own family members. I recall a story I've read once from a book that teaches the value of our own family...

"Once, there was a family who stays with their very old grandfather. The mom and dad was a very busy person. That leaves the son and the grandfather alone at home most of the time. Needless to say, the son loves the grandfather very much and they used to play together. However, one day, the father comes back, face dark, looked at his very own father and said, 'Dad, I'm sorry but I will have to send you off as I can no longer provide better living for everyone.' Upon hearing that, the grandfather walks off sadly to his room, with tears flowing freely from his wrinkled eyes. That very evening, the father carries the grandfather in a very big basket and when he is about to set off, the young son called out to the father, 'Papa! Papa! When you have sent grandpapa off, don't forget to bring back the basket as well!' Curious, the father turns around and asks the son why. The son said, ' When you are old like grandpapa, I can send you off as well with the basket like what you are doing right now to grandpapa!' Shocked and ashamed, the father puts down the grandfather and apologizes.

I hope you learn something from this story...