Jul 18, 2011

Anger, Sorrow, Depression, Hate

Well, you know what’s the most depressing thing that happened throughout this entire year? My birthday month turns out to be my most unluckiest and most depressing month ever.

My college life sucks as of now, nothing goes well during this entire semester. Everything has to go wrong and it adds on to the depression that has been growing behind my mind, why on earth am I back to studies wasting my money when I could be earning instead and not be miserable me for the entire course? Nothing good comes out of this college life, that’s for sure. I just wanted my paper done. Is that so hard to ask for? I just want everything to go smooth sailing. IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR SERIOUSLY?

Boyfriend has not been feeling great ever since his leg injury started and frankly speaking, being unable to help in any other way especially even the thoughts of trying to help financially, can be blown away easily and this adds on my depression two fold. Thanks to my stupidity of going back wasting my time and money on studies, this is the first time in my entire life feeling this helpless and being so fucking dependant on a sick person. I’m fucked up since all I can do is complain.

Having a car window broken by some assholes might not be a big deal for everyone, but it is, for me. Having lost an entire car before while it was parked just right outside the house has a big impact on me. I feel for things. I’m cheapskate. I have to be. My modulator was swiped, my thumbdrive was swiped, my coins was swiped, my touch and go card was swiped. Yes, it’s no big deal, but having the stress and finding the car in that state on a rainy morning just made me snap instantly. Seriously, breaking into an old car for all these when there are better cars around the area? Again, I don’t understand the mentality of these sonofabitches and will never do. But one thing I do know, I promise and I will keep this promise that if I see any of these happening right in front of my eyes, with chance, I will do unimaginable things to these people. By all means.

Yes, everyone wants a change to the government. But what about the people themselves? What matters even if the government changes but not the people themselves? You can probably get more better shits for your own good but what’s next? More shit to come? You’re never gonna change yourself even IF THERE IS A REVOLUTION. Are you gonna start caring about the person next to you? Are you gonna start smiling to everyone you see? Be courteous? No cut queues? Not acting like a barbarian? Not being a sonofabitch? Not being a snob? Hold out a helping hand to those in need anytime anywhere without thinking of the person’s background,whether they disgust your or not like cleaning for the elderly or those with mental illness or hoping for anything in return? Will you?! NO, YOU WON’T. Mark my words, even IF there is a revolution, the history will repeat itself if the people does not change themselves first. Before you even THINK of helping out others, why don’t you HELP those AROUND YOU for instance, HELP YOUR OWN FAMILY FIRST then only you start helping others?

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