Jul 20, 2011

Another Year Older

Well, technically it doesn’t really matter about growing old or not since everyone will age. But the beauty of that is, I’m learning how to appreciate things more and more. For instance, my playlist. My songs used to be and still will be as a friend said, screamo songs, or any songs that I feel is worth me listening to it.

But whaddaya know? Here I am typing this out while listening to a bunch of classical piece from 80s to 90s. It’s…peacefully soothing. I had the CDs long time ago and only yesterday I had taken the time out to rip the songs to put inside my netbook for my convenience. When I first got the CDs, I never bothered listening to it when I found out it’s all instrumental. Look what happen now. I thank God I never threw them out back then and kept it in good condition. Listening to all the piano, the saxophone, the acoustic guitar… It’s all just so wonderful. I know, I sound like a sick love puppy lost in the blind love. But hey, that’s a beautiful feeling isn’t? Well duh, I’m in a good relationship and that feeling still comes back most of the time. Good upkeep, right? *wink wink*

But ya’know, one thing bout all these songs, all girls are hopelessly in love with such thing. Who wouldn’t? I could totally imagine myself dancing to the song feeling like a princess. LOL. What do you expect? All those songs makes you feel like you’re living a fairy tale life (play the songs, listen to it, have your eyes closed and let your imagination bring you to it) with all the beautiful instruments playing. God bless the creator of these instruments and yes, I do have to sing Thank Abba for the Music. I’m hopelessly in love with these nao!!

Jul 18, 2011

Anger, Sorrow, Depression, Hate

Well, you know what’s the most depressing thing that happened throughout this entire year? My birthday month turns out to be my most unluckiest and most depressing month ever.

My college life sucks as of now, nothing goes well during this entire semester. Everything has to go wrong and it adds on to the depression that has been growing behind my mind, why on earth am I back to studies wasting my money when I could be earning instead and not be miserable me for the entire course? Nothing good comes out of this college life, that’s for sure. I just wanted my paper done. Is that so hard to ask for? I just want everything to go smooth sailing. IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR SERIOUSLY?

Boyfriend has not been feeling great ever since his leg injury started and frankly speaking, being unable to help in any other way especially even the thoughts of trying to help financially, can be blown away easily and this adds on my depression two fold. Thanks to my stupidity of going back wasting my time and money on studies, this is the first time in my entire life feeling this helpless and being so fucking dependant on a sick person. I’m fucked up since all I can do is complain.

Having a car window broken by some assholes might not be a big deal for everyone, but it is, for me. Having lost an entire car before while it was parked just right outside the house has a big impact on me. I feel for things. I’m cheapskate. I have to be. My modulator was swiped, my thumbdrive was swiped, my coins was swiped, my touch and go card was swiped. Yes, it’s no big deal, but having the stress and finding the car in that state on a rainy morning just made me snap instantly. Seriously, breaking into an old car for all these when there are better cars around the area? Again, I don’t understand the mentality of these sonofabitches and will never do. But one thing I do know, I promise and I will keep this promise that if I see any of these happening right in front of my eyes, with chance, I will do unimaginable things to these people. By all means.

Yes, everyone wants a change to the government. But what about the people themselves? What matters even if the government changes but not the people themselves? You can probably get more better shits for your own good but what’s next? More shit to come? You’re never gonna change yourself even IF THERE IS A REVOLUTION. Are you gonna start caring about the person next to you? Are you gonna start smiling to everyone you see? Be courteous? No cut queues? Not acting like a barbarian? Not being a sonofabitch? Not being a snob? Hold out a helping hand to those in need anytime anywhere without thinking of the person’s background,whether they disgust your or not like cleaning for the elderly or those with mental illness or hoping for anything in return? Will you?! NO, YOU WON’T. Mark my words, even IF there is a revolution, the history will repeat itself if the people does not change themselves first. Before you even THINK of helping out others, why don’t you HELP those AROUND YOU for instance, HELP YOUR OWN FAMILY FIRST then only you start helping others?

Jul 6, 2011

Where’s Your Heart?

Despite being really sleepy and tired, I find that if I never had this blogged, I would never be sleeping properly. This story that my lecturer shared with us yesterday morning turns out to be quite ‘disturbing’ and yet, very touching at the same time.

It’s about a newly wed couple (both Malaysian), going on a short honeymoon at Bangkok and staying in a 5 star hotel. One morning somewhere during their honeymoon after a breakfast in the hotel, the wife told the husband to go back to their room first as she had forgotten something in the cafeteria. Husband retreated to the room and waits for the wife for half an hour, one hour and he finally goes back down to look for her. Nobody seen her or notices her or anything weird. It was like she disappear into the thin air. He started searching for her everywhere but in the end, she is nowhere to be found.

To cut the story short, after 5 to 6 years later, the man, went back to Bangkok on a business trip. He went through the market and passes by some ‘steel cage’ where disabled beggars were placed inside. Disabled means that they have no limbs, either hands or legs or both and worse scenario, even the tongue. Now, going back to the past, the newly wed couple had a tattoo each on their neck as a prove of love, a heart with the opposite name in it. Coming back to the man, as he passes by one of the ‘steel cage’, it made a terrible rocking sound. What he saw at the first glance was a… person who’s condition is beyond words. At the second glance, tears started to flow from the person in the cage. It was limbless. Third glance, the tattoo was spotted and colleagues around him confirmed his sight. It could not speak. After numerous calls were made and reports were lodged, he has finally found his lost wife and brought her home, carrying her like how a child would dearly carry a baby doll, despite her condition. Families gathered at the airport and best friend of the man told the man, “Why did you bring her back? You won’t find anymore pleasure in life with her.” with that said, a slap was given to the best friend while holding the wife. “I’m not letting her go anymore.” He said. He refused to let her parents to hug or even touch her. He carried her the entire way back even when wheelchair was provided. He kept his word when he said that he’s not letting her go anymore. Being a rich man that he is, he flew her to the States and got her prosthetic limbs and he intend to carry out his old promise to her, a real honeymoon to the entire Europe. A six year delayed honeymoon.

With this being shared, I do question humanity in each and every people in the world. I can not imagine the pain that the man went through and I definitely can not imagine the pain that the wife went through. I can not imagine the pain that people out there that has taken because of lost minds. I do not wish to know the pain. Memories of a young boy being taken many years ago and are still lost surfaced and it hurts. News of him being spotted around were circulated but no actions were taken to save him.

You and I are the same living person. So where is the heart?