It wasn't a happy day to begin with today. It all begins a few weeks before when I first heard of the event. I was ecstatic about it at first that I even told Veron, Vincent and Anthony about it. I thought I could at least be much more busier and occupy my blasted mind with all the extra work! However, it didn't turn out as what I hoped. My company is having an outdoor event and I hoped to go out. I am in need of money after all. Very badly as I have loads of plans in my mind. I would need the exta cash to party with Angela and Kyo when they come back, going on trips with all of them and do some shopping after trashing my wardrobe (but of course i need Veron's help)...Most importantly, being able to pay off slightly even if it's little for me to get my very own car ! DAMNIT !! CURSES !!
This event is to promote our new server and a new version, more like of a new episode. One of the bad side is, the girls promoting it will need to dress up in Japanese school costumes and go around schools, colleges and cybercafes and 'mamaks' distributing our CDs along with two from our sales team and two from our game operation team. I calculated the money they would be getting and I was very excited about it already. However, I already knew earlier a few days before today that I wouldn't be going out as first of, I ain't got no car. I was already pissed off then. I mean, I already told my superior about it very early off and he said he'll try to see if he can get me in. I know I shouldn't put hope in it. But again, I was hopeful then. Today, it really crushed me when I officially heard the news that I wouldn't be going out. I was extremely pissed.
I mean, extra money for the staff is better than extra money for those dumb looking girls ! What the heck I even calculated for my superior how much we could save if we cut out just one girl by paying me instead of them ! After hearing what my colleague said, without doubt, the sales team people, must have pocketed some of the budget money into their own wallet ! That's why all the girls in contract or whatever shit they get. Frrruuuuccccckkkkk....I'm not very happy with all these bunch of bullshit... Fuck those bitches.
Jan 21, 2008
Jan 8, 2008
Ph-antasy or Dark Fantasies ?
This morning, if it wasn't for my blardy alarm clock, I wouldn't have woke up and I wouldn't ruin my dream. But somehow, I didn't know that dream gave me such a dreadful feeling till I am out from my safety cocoon. Yes, I know that people around me are strangers, but I've never gone to the extend to, fear them, especially men. It seems to me like, I hate mens. It's not like I hate my male friends or worse, my brother or my dad, not like that, but in general, I just don't really fancy them.
What about my dream that gets me going like this? I have no idea, but I'll just tell the story of my dream here, whatever that I can remember from it. It started off where I found myself shut off in this basement, four solid wall with a small window facing the moon (yeah surprisingly it was at night, I think) and nothing else there. I kept looking out at the window but in the dream, you know when it feels like, you're watching yourself in the dream, so the one who watches (for me) feels weird as there was nothing for me to see, but yet the one who looks outside in the dream, are so into the view that I just wouldn't move away from it. It was just a place with a white sand desert and black sky, with no stars except for the moon. That's the beginning of the dream and suddenly, it jumped to another scene where I was in a heated argument with someone. Who was it, I do not know, but I just know that the person is very important to me. But I don't even know who it is as I do not recognize feature about the person. I just know the feeling itself only. Stuff were thrown around everywhere and both of us had our hands and legs cut badly by the glasses on the floor. Next scene, the worse fantasy anyone can get. Growing a pair of wings has always been everyone's favorite fantasy, even mine. I did get one, but a black one in this dream. I was flying around, looking at scenes at first, till I came across a first murder. It was a gruesome one. Next scene was a row of people kneeled down, with their eyes blind folded and their hands tied behind them, getting shot to death. I just watched the whole thing, without any emotions felt at all. More and more gruesome and gut wrenching scenes rolled forward as I keep flying and yet, I still do not feel anything at all.
In the end, my alarm clock just woke me up. I knew I woke up sweating badly. Didn't know how bad it was till I just walk out from my house. Whatever it was, I just knew I had to smoke right away once I got out from the train in KLCC. Everyone freaks me out now, especially those I do not know...
What about my dream that gets me going like this? I have no idea, but I'll just tell the story of my dream here, whatever that I can remember from it. It started off where I found myself shut off in this basement, four solid wall with a small window facing the moon (yeah surprisingly it was at night, I think) and nothing else there. I kept looking out at the window but in the dream, you know when it feels like, you're watching yourself in the dream, so the one who watches (for me) feels weird as there was nothing for me to see, but yet the one who looks outside in the dream, are so into the view that I just wouldn't move away from it. It was just a place with a white sand desert and black sky, with no stars except for the moon. That's the beginning of the dream and suddenly, it jumped to another scene where I was in a heated argument with someone. Who was it, I do not know, but I just know that the person is very important to me. But I don't even know who it is as I do not recognize feature about the person. I just know the feeling itself only. Stuff were thrown around everywhere and both of us had our hands and legs cut badly by the glasses on the floor. Next scene, the worse fantasy anyone can get. Growing a pair of wings has always been everyone's favorite fantasy, even mine. I did get one, but a black one in this dream. I was flying around, looking at scenes at first, till I came across a first murder. It was a gruesome one. Next scene was a row of people kneeled down, with their eyes blind folded and their hands tied behind them, getting shot to death. I just watched the whole thing, without any emotions felt at all. More and more gruesome and gut wrenching scenes rolled forward as I keep flying and yet, I still do not feel anything at all.
In the end, my alarm clock just woke me up. I knew I woke up sweating badly. Didn't know how bad it was till I just walk out from my house. Whatever it was, I just knew I had to smoke right away once I got out from the train in KLCC. Everyone freaks me out now, especially those I do not know...
Jan 5, 2008
And The Story Goes On...
So, as your age keeps climbing, you feel a lot older. You tend to look back sometimes more often and you'd reminisce those days where you'd go somewhere wonderful, did something amazing with a special somebody or even see something that will make you remember for the rest of your life. You'd hate those moments but yet, you'd miss it alot. Well, for me, that's the way it goes.
Not ashamed to admit it, I'm 23 year old this year. That is, once my birthday is over...Come to think about it, it ain't such a small number but it ain't too big as well. However, it's already enough to make me feel the burden that I'm carrying all the time while I'm still breathing and feel the responsibilities that I have. I planned to get a car, but it's going to be tough for me as I've wasted enough time hopping around looking for better jobs. Now, I regretted not standing firm on my own. Because of myself and the smallest temptations around me, i failed in life. I'm making it up with the remaining span of my life. I know what I've lost and not have previously. This time, I will fight it back and of course, I will still be tempted, but not without thinking twice. Call me stupid or naive as you wish, I have my own thoughts. Born in the year of an Ox, I can be very stubborn most of the time.
All these new thoughts that comes to my mind, sometimes I had to thank it to Veron, Vincent and especially after knowing Anthony. Not of what he said, but because of him, I'm able to indulge into this book called Conversation With God, written by Neale Donald Walsch. Sounds religious, huh? You may think like that even after you read it, but trust me when I say this, there is a lot of words of wisdom and guide in life from it. No harm in believing things sometimes. I'm a free thinker after all. Even though I may not understand most of what it's trying to tell me, I do get the point of it. Like what I said earlier there, Live a life with a goal or a dream, go for it, don't think of other things or stray away from your goal and you will be able to create Who You Want To Be. That's the way of life, isn't? Not just living Who You Are so called Destined To Be. If it's destined, why does God even gives us free will to make choice then? This book really can argue a lot and it does makes a lot of sense. Seriously, I'd recommend reading it. Even if it's not for religion means, please, read it as a self help book. It IS a self help book after all...
Not ashamed to admit it, I'm 23 year old this year. That is, once my birthday is over...Come to think about it, it ain't such a small number but it ain't too big as well. However, it's already enough to make me feel the burden that I'm carrying all the time while I'm still breathing and feel the responsibilities that I have. I planned to get a car, but it's going to be tough for me as I've wasted enough time hopping around looking for better jobs. Now, I regretted not standing firm on my own. Because of myself and the smallest temptations around me, i failed in life. I'm making it up with the remaining span of my life. I know what I've lost and not have previously. This time, I will fight it back and of course, I will still be tempted, but not without thinking twice. Call me stupid or naive as you wish, I have my own thoughts. Born in the year of an Ox, I can be very stubborn most of the time.
All these new thoughts that comes to my mind, sometimes I had to thank it to Veron, Vincent and especially after knowing Anthony. Not of what he said, but because of him, I'm able to indulge into this book called Conversation With God, written by Neale Donald Walsch. Sounds religious, huh? You may think like that even after you read it, but trust me when I say this, there is a lot of words of wisdom and guide in life from it. No harm in believing things sometimes. I'm a free thinker after all. Even though I may not understand most of what it's trying to tell me, I do get the point of it. Like what I said earlier there, Live a life with a goal or a dream, go for it, don't think of other things or stray away from your goal and you will be able to create Who You Want To Be. That's the way of life, isn't? Not just living Who You Are so called Destined To Be. If it's destined, why does God even gives us free will to make choice then? This book really can argue a lot and it does makes a lot of sense. Seriously, I'd recommend reading it. Even if it's not for religion means, please, read it as a self help book. It IS a self help book after all...
Jan 1, 2008
It's Year 2008
Happy New Year everyone !
I know everyone has enjoyed the parties and the fireworks last night. For me, i loved the fireworks going around in PJ area as i get to see all of it from Vince's place. From One Utama, The Curve, Mont Kiara, even Sunway (can only see a tiny bit only) and even some people let off their own firework. It was a splendid view for me. Especially the ones that The Curve lets off. Me, Veron and Vince was enjoying it. I don't know about Anthony as he keeps reminding us the best firework in year 2005 was in Sydney Harbor. I decided to ignore him and not let him spoil my night. I finally got the see firework after two lousy years of not celebrating even Christmas and New Year. Needless to say, i am happy !
Before that we were actually at One Utama itself thinking maybe we can celebrate there. But it was so packed and hot that we decided to leave. We wasted 50 bucks on those foam and stream sprayers. Anthony and Vince just had to attack the kids. Poor them. Veron ended up spraining her left hand or a few fingers i think. Me? I managed to hide behind someone trying to keep clean but unfortunately Vince kept spraying those foams on me.
After the fireworks, we went back into Vince house and i thought we're going to drink something. Ended up, after Vince and Veron took their bath, Vince worked on his stuff, Veron went off to bed to rest her poor hand and Anthony started disturbing me, pestering me to go massage with him. In the end, Veron, Anthony and me left to take Veron's car back to Vince's place and i followed Anthony around, thinking we could grab a DVD to watch, but again, plan failed.
Besides all these, we didn't do anything much and frankly speaking, i hate to admit this but, i have to agree that, even though it's a new year, it still seems the same to me. No differences.
I know everyone has enjoyed the parties and the fireworks last night. For me, i loved the fireworks going around in PJ area as i get to see all of it from Vince's place. From One Utama, The Curve, Mont Kiara, even Sunway (can only see a tiny bit only) and even some people let off their own firework. It was a splendid view for me. Especially the ones that The Curve lets off. Me, Veron and Vince was enjoying it. I don't know about Anthony as he keeps reminding us the best firework in year 2005 was in Sydney Harbor. I decided to ignore him and not let him spoil my night. I finally got the see firework after two lousy years of not celebrating even Christmas and New Year. Needless to say, i am happy !
Before that we were actually at One Utama itself thinking maybe we can celebrate there. But it was so packed and hot that we decided to leave. We wasted 50 bucks on those foam and stream sprayers. Anthony and Vince just had to attack the kids. Poor them. Veron ended up spraining her left hand or a few fingers i think. Me? I managed to hide behind someone trying to keep clean but unfortunately Vince kept spraying those foams on me.
After the fireworks, we went back into Vince house and i thought we're going to drink something. Ended up, after Vince and Veron took their bath, Vince worked on his stuff, Veron went off to bed to rest her poor hand and Anthony started disturbing me, pestering me to go massage with him. In the end, Veron, Anthony and me left to take Veron's car back to Vince's place and i followed Anthony around, thinking we could grab a DVD to watch, but again, plan failed.
Besides all these, we didn't do anything much and frankly speaking, i hate to admit this but, i have to agree that, even though it's a new year, it still seems the same to me. No differences.
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