M.I.A

I know I've been missing in action for a period of time...So much has been going on and I was in a constant mix of emotions every single day. Whatever it is, first to begin with, I've never seem to care bout who read my blog or care bout if it hurts them or not because whatever I say/write here, is purely all bout what I think/felt, isn't that what a blog is for? To express whatever that's in your mind and it's PERSONAL... Since when who has a say to not show my blog unless the blogspot themselves close me down? I need to vent because I've ran out of ideas and I was never creative on everything to begin with...So leave me and let me be...

Secondly, I've never been happy ever since I changed my job. I regret my life even more, losing even more chances to do more things and I even failed AGAIN to fulfil my easiest dream which is just to study ALL because of my stupidity to change to a worse job...Although it's the same field, but nothing is the same anymore even my interest in this is gone. Everyday I came into the office putting on a face trying to force myself to work but nothing comes into my mind like last time anymore. The only thing that improved? Yes, the environment, thats all. NOTHING ELSE. My salary has decreased, my skills has rusted, I've lost the will to fight already. I've never hated so much before...Everyday coming to work feeling energetic at the first half an hour and the rest of the day? Lost.

Thirdly, I know most of you will disagree on what I've said and what I'm bout to say but guess what, I couldn't give a damn shit bout it because like I said, it's my blog to express my feelings so if you don't like whatever I've said or what I'm about to say, then fuck off. It seems so destined that I can NEVER be on the same agreement with my brother and I would love nothing more than to strangle him this very moment. All the pain he has caused my parents without thinking who the fuck gave birth to him and the pain my mother has to go through and what the fuck, his was a caesarean birth forgodsakes! Everyday coming back home after work, looking at his face never cease the hatred in me ever since his last incident. Coming back home drunk and tired and with the idiotic wife of his being an ignorant bitch makes me worry bout my niece every night and EVERY FUCKING NIGHT ever since almost two years ago I would be restless in my own room. Boyfriend has been pushing me to move out with him for the sake of my sanity and health but I'm always in a constant worry for my parents and niece and also, I'm always broke by the middle of the month. Now you see the reason I'm delaying?

However, although so much happens, the only thing I'm still grateful for is my parents not knowing much of what is going on around me so that lessens their worries on me. Boyfriend has been helpful most of the time as he keeps advising and not letting me down when I broke down previously. Broke down as in literally breaking down. It freaks me out when I think back about it. I don't know what else to say anymore except for...fuck off if you don't like this. My life pisses me off and I would be glad to give up everything and be a nun.