Ever since the day I started my college life, my life has suddenly went upside down tremendously. I was in constant depression and my mood swings were getting worse, making me feeling more exhausted than ever trying to suppress all these annoying feelings. I guess the main problem comes from trying to cope with younger people and losing my pride of being a dependent woman... It's not easy, you know?
Coping with those people in the college would work out somehow. I've had enough with them not trying to help themselves or something and seriously, I just want to get my freaking diploma and get out from this life. It irritates me a lot thinking about the fact that people my age should be working instead of studying. A diploma, not a degree. What could be worse than this? College being a pain in the ass, mates being unreliable. My pillar of strength are crumbling as time passes.
There are times when I just want to break down and cry since trying to put on a strong face just hurts so much. But if I do, I know I'll go even weaker. My pride are being tossed aside and I've got to ask help from my family after more than 5 freaking years of me not doing so. Life with boyfriend are getting painful too as both were facing financial difficulties. Of course, hopes of getting an easy way out is always there but I know there's no shortcut in life. I know I've got to get a part time or something but the fear of not being able to cope with assignments and work at the same time, I don't want to repeat the damn course at the damned college and I just want to make my life be the way it was back then.
Thinking about I've gotta endure this whole crap for about 2 and a half year provided I don't fail in a single subject just pressured me even more. I know I've been going negative but I just can't help it. How can one still stay so positive when the life you've known are no longer around and you feeling helpless like a little baby? All the supports and the promises that were given before I start this college life were gone. Thinking the fact that I can't do anything for mother's day pains me even more...
1 comment:
you can do it gal~ be strong.
i understand the feeling of like u r the only one in a fuck up situation.
be strong. time pass just so fast.
at the end u will be rewarded something. a never regret in part of ur life.
gayao.. miss the time drinking and smoking with u. take k
Singyer
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