Another Year Older

Well, technically it doesn’t really matter about growing old or not since everyone will age. But the beauty of that is, I’m learning how to appreciate things more and more. For instance, my playlist. My songs used to be and still will be as a friend said, screamo songs, or any songs that I feel is worth me listening to it.

But whaddaya know? Here I am typing this out while listening to a bunch of classical piece from 80s to 90s. It’s…peacefully soothing. I had the CDs long time ago and only yesterday I had taken the time out to rip the songs to put inside my netbook for my convenience. When I first got the CDs, I never bothered listening to it when I found out it’s all instrumental. Look what happen now. I thank God I never threw them out back then and kept it in good condition. Listening to all the piano, the saxophone, the acoustic guitar… It’s all just so wonderful. I know, I sound like a sick love puppy lost in the blind love. But hey, that’s a beautiful feeling isn’t? Well duh, I’m in a good relationship and that feeling still comes back most of the time. Good upkeep, right? *wink wink*

But ya’know, one thing bout all these songs, all girls are hopelessly in love with such thing. Who wouldn’t? I could totally imagine myself dancing to the song feeling like a princess. LOL. What do you expect? All those songs makes you feel like you’re living a fairy tale life (play the songs, listen to it, have your eyes closed and let your imagination bring you to it) with all the beautiful instruments playing. God bless the creator of these instruments and yes, I do have to sing Thank Abba for the Music. I’m hopelessly in love with these nao!!

Anger, Sorrow, Depression, Hate

Well, you know what’s the most depressing thing that happened throughout this entire year? My birthday month turns out to be my most unluckiest and most depressing month ever.

My college life sucks as of now, nothing goes well during this entire semester. Everything has to go wrong and it adds on to the depression that has been growing behind my mind, why on earth am I back to studies wasting my money when I could be earning instead and not be miserable me for the entire course? Nothing good comes out of this college life, that’s for sure. I just wanted my paper done. Is that so hard to ask for? I just want everything to go smooth sailing. IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR SERIOUSLY?

Boyfriend has not been feeling great ever since his leg injury started and frankly speaking, being unable to help in any other way especially even the thoughts of trying to help financially, can be blown away easily and this adds on my depression two fold. Thanks to my stupidity of going back wasting my time and money on studies, this is the first time in my entire life feeling this helpless and being so fucking dependant on a sick person. I’m fucked up since all I can do is complain.

Having a car window broken by some assholes might not be a big deal for everyone, but it is, for me. Having lost an entire car before while it was parked just right outside the house has a big impact on me. I feel for things. I’m cheapskate. I have to be. My modulator was swiped, my thumbdrive was swiped, my coins was swiped, my touch and go card was swiped. Yes, it’s no big deal, but having the stress and finding the car in that state on a rainy morning just made me snap instantly. Seriously, breaking into an old car for all these when there are better cars around the area? Again, I don’t understand the mentality of these sonofabitches and will never do. But one thing I do know, I promise and I will keep this promise that if I see any of these happening right in front of my eyes, with chance, I will do unimaginable things to these people. By all means.

Yes, everyone wants a change to the government. But what about the people themselves? What matters even if the government changes but not the people themselves? You can probably get more better shits for your own good but what’s next? More shit to come? You’re never gonna change yourself even IF THERE IS A REVOLUTION. Are you gonna start caring about the person next to you? Are you gonna start smiling to everyone you see? Be courteous? No cut queues? Not acting like a barbarian? Not being a sonofabitch? Not being a snob? Hold out a helping hand to those in need anytime anywhere without thinking of the person’s background,whether they disgust your or not like cleaning for the elderly or those with mental illness or hoping for anything in return? Will you?! NO, YOU WON’T. Mark my words, even IF there is a revolution, the history will repeat itself if the people does not change themselves first. Before you even THINK of helping out others, why don’t you HELP those AROUND YOU for instance, HELP YOUR OWN FAMILY FIRST then only you start helping others?

Where’s Your Heart?

Despite being really sleepy and tired, I find that if I never had this blogged, I would never be sleeping properly. This story that my lecturer shared with us yesterday morning turns out to be quite ‘disturbing’ and yet, very touching at the same time.

It’s about a newly wed couple (both Malaysian), going on a short honeymoon at Bangkok and staying in a 5 star hotel. One morning somewhere during their honeymoon after a breakfast in the hotel, the wife told the husband to go back to their room first as she had forgotten something in the cafeteria. Husband retreated to the room and waits for the wife for half an hour, one hour and he finally goes back down to look for her. Nobody seen her or notices her or anything weird. It was like she disappear into the thin air. He started searching for her everywhere but in the end, she is nowhere to be found.

To cut the story short, after 5 to 6 years later, the man, went back to Bangkok on a business trip. He went through the market and passes by some ‘steel cage’ where disabled beggars were placed inside. Disabled means that they have no limbs, either hands or legs or both and worse scenario, even the tongue. Now, going back to the past, the newly wed couple had a tattoo each on their neck as a prove of love, a heart with the opposite name in it. Coming back to the man, as he passes by one of the ‘steel cage’, it made a terrible rocking sound. What he saw at the first glance was a… person who’s condition is beyond words. At the second glance, tears started to flow from the person in the cage. It was limbless. Third glance, the tattoo was spotted and colleagues around him confirmed his sight. It could not speak. After numerous calls were made and reports were lodged, he has finally found his lost wife and brought her home, carrying her like how a child would dearly carry a baby doll, despite her condition. Families gathered at the airport and best friend of the man told the man, “Why did you bring her back? You won’t find anymore pleasure in life with her.” with that said, a slap was given to the best friend while holding the wife. “I’m not letting her go anymore.” He said. He refused to let her parents to hug or even touch her. He carried her the entire way back even when wheelchair was provided. He kept his word when he said that he’s not letting her go anymore. Being a rich man that he is, he flew her to the States and got her prosthetic limbs and he intend to carry out his old promise to her, a real honeymoon to the entire Europe. A six year delayed honeymoon.

With this being shared, I do question humanity in each and every people in the world. I can not imagine the pain that the man went through and I definitely can not imagine the pain that the wife went through. I can not imagine the pain that people out there that has taken because of lost minds. I do not wish to know the pain. Memories of a young boy being taken many years ago and are still lost surfaced and it hurts. News of him being spotted around were circulated but no actions were taken to save him.

You and I are the same living person. So where is the heart?

Wish You Gone

Frankly speaking, I hate all Malaysian drivers, be it cars or bikes. You drive slow on the fast lane when people are in a rush. You turn without signals. You cut queues at the toll. You can't bloody stay in line and cause more traffic. You just gotta zigzag scaring the shit out of others. You just gotta stick close to the front drivers to tell them to get lost. You just gotta turn on high lights to irritate the drivers in front at night. You just gotta driver faster when you see others signalling to turn to avoid slowing down. You just gotta forget the bloody laws when driving. You just gotta go even more slower taking your own sweet time at the slow lane (going below 40 KMPH is over the board). You just gotta stay in the middle of two lane. Bottom word, you like to bloody endanger other peoples life. If you want to kill yourself, there are tons of way. There are practically more than 101 way to kill yourself without having to endanger others on the road. So fuck off.

Getting stuck in a traffic for an entire hour just from Kepong (Desa Parkcity area onwards) to SS2, getting into a fucked up accident at Bulatan Rothman in SS2 thanks to another dumb driver (well I'm not hurt cuz if I am, I wouldn't be blogging this), end of class, coming back home, another dumb bitch just gotta make me ALMOST get into another accident. What the hell?

Coming to class, nobody to show up, no information given, no questions asked. Class delayed like hell. Nothing being taught in class. Time being wasted. What the hell?

I'm having such a bad time and end of this month surely prove to be a real messed up time for me. Well, doesn't matter. Things just gotta get more 'lovely' with all the uncooperative people around. Lovely, isn't? I should have been a selfish bitch at the start and why should I even give compassion towards those that does not think for me at all? I'm all talk about being a bitch but never acting like one, I guess I should be a total bitch and I seriously do, wish you will get fucked up and gone in the end. Don't rely on me anymore and fuck you all Malaysia drivers, including myself at times. The least I do is signal, bitch.

Rewrite

Yeah, you’d probably this of Asian KungFu Generation (Ajikan) song Riraito [リライト]. No, it’s not. Ugh, I don’t even know how to properly put this in words. It’s a massive jumble of different feelings into a small matchbox. Because of one simple incident, because of the high expectations, I felt like it was crushing me up until now.

I’m not trying to blame anyone. I’m trying hard not to. I just can’t help it. When one is not cooperative, I start to blame like hell. When one starts to escape the work, I blame like hell. Yeah, I study management but my management is hellish. What the heck, it’s just one of my presentation but everything just screws up and when the lecturer told us to redo it, I’m totally crushed. Wait, not even there, the beginning of the presentation, I’m already crushed. I wanted to hide in a corner and nobody finds me or dig myself a hole and jump into it that moment. Everything is just wrong. It’s already been 4 days after that incident, yet I still feel the pressure of it. Another chance was given to present again on Monday and seriously, I’m hoping that if the word redo it comes out again, I’ll just have a heart attack or whatever attacks and die on the spot. Let them suffer the guilt. I couldn’t be bothered with people who does not know what they want and people who does not know how to do their shits properly.

See, I’m off blaming people again when I myself can’t lead properly. What is so hard with doing a presentation in front of people you’ve already known quite well? I’ve no freaking idea. No, I don’t have the confidence at times that I do well, but I just had the confidence to talk my way out. Smile and if I don’t know, tell them I’ll get it to them later. The least is I admit or shit, do your research more importantly before you freaking present.

Crap, that song did indeed play itself when I’m writing this. Guess I should rename the title. English version though.

You Feel Me?

It’s crazy when one is trying to understand the other. I mean, you are not the worm in their stomach or their brain, how can you possibly know what one thinks unless you’re a freakin’ mind reader? I doubt the existence anyway. Ability the read body language, yes, but not the mind. Yet, that’s not my point. Everyone is actually a simple person. The only part that makes them complicated, is when they themselves wanna be complicated. But, that’s what being a human is all about. Isn’t?

Like for now, I was actually thinking on, how the hell can guys tend to be so insensitive towards their partners’ feeling? At times when the partner were probably dropping hints (either too-freaking-obvious or you’re-freakin’-blind-if-you-can’t-read-this hints) that they want to show them something that the partner is happy of but yet wanted to give the surprise feel to it, the guy just DON’T bloody get it. This is from a girl point of view. Simple, no? We do not like to be obvious, we like you guys to BE OBSERVANT TO SHOW YOU FREAKIN’ CARE ENOUGH to realize what changed or happened to us. Girls do not trust words. Girls trust only when the guy shows that they notice, not when guy are going after the girl, but keeps the observant mode on till the day death-do-us-part and everything will be happy happy jolly jolly with the girls. Ok, that is my biased side since hey, you can’t blame me since I’m born a female. I’m not entirely biased at the same time

At the same time, because of the whole be-observing-will-you thing from the girls, the guy find it as a pain in the ass and they’d rather like things to be simple and straight forward. Show-and-tell-me-and-stop-making-me-guess-damnit is always there in the end when a relationship goes to more than a year, if you’re lucky, later than that. When the two thoughts clashes, that’s why the guy would always think, why on earth are the females so complicated?! Well, the guy is tired from work, had a beer or two with the buddies after work, came home to look for comfort at home with the family and wife (prolly in bed most of the time, that would be their thoughts) and the guy were given a can-you-see-what-i-did-to-my-hair-today session by the girl (or kids if they were married), a blank look will most likely be given and the bed or TV would be more attractive than the girl is. Be aware ladies!

I guess, this is the most general argument that happens between couples and when they do not discuss but blames each other for not understanding, please get the drain unclogged so that the word relationship can go down there. So girls, why can’t we be straight forward sometimes to give the guys a break and guys, why can’t you be observant sometimes to make us girls know that you care? Everything is so obvious and simple. Why making things hard? You feel me?

My Shelf

Yes, the semester break is almost over and class is starting next week and the best thing is, I’m still in the holiday mode! Sleeping at 6 or 7AM and waking up late noon does not help in fixing my biological clock. Attached to another drama series called Growing Through Life and a novel Incubus Dreams makes all these happen. My passion to music does not help to make me sleep, instead, it keeps me awake!

Speaking of novels, I’m back to my addictions and started to buy novels whenever I finished one. Buying two at one go ain’t cheap with both costing about RM30++. To feed the love, something must be sacrificed! Or so, I thought. But heck, I think one should check out this novelist Faye Kellerman. I have to admit, the first book I bought by her was titled The Mercedes Coffin. It’s a mystery thriller and I cannot leave the book at all until I’ve finished it. So far, I’ve never been able to do that, not towards books that thick. I love the way she twists the plot and the story certainly build climaxes. It gets me wanting to know how the murder was carried out and another of her book, Hangman, talks about serial killer. Although the ending was predictable, the story fulfils the thrill and again, I can’t seem to leave it alone until I’ve finished the story! Don’t ask me about Incubus Dreams. I’ve loved Thrillers, Fantasies, and Horrors especially and this is nothing I would think of. All I can say is that, it’s filled with lots of sex scenes with vampires,werewolves, wereleopards (basically, shapeshifters) and so on… and a tad of murder and bits on necromancers, awesome. I’m speechless but heck, who doesn’t like such thing? Laurell K. Hamilton is the author.

I’ve to clear some stuff to make way for my books and I think I would need to buy more this weekend. Oh, I finally found the books for my Night World collection by L.J Smith and I think I need to buy the other edition to complete it. I do hate borrowing my books to people now that I’ve come to realize that I’ve lost a number of books knowing that it has been borrowed but none returned. It pains me to know that these people do not treasure it at all and no matter how I asked, it never come back.

Another Lazy Moments

As the title says it all, I’ve really been lazy to blog again. It seems to me that people takes blogging as a mean to make money. True, I’m not saying that you can’t, just that, from my view, it’s making the meaning of blogging, or even writing diaries (if one still does nowadays) meaningless. Everything is all so commercialized, so money-minded, caring so much about the hit counts and the money that the ads make for them. Not to say I don’t care about the money, I just don’t like the way things changed. You can say I’m not into the changes

It’s my semester break right now and it’s almost over. I’ve been going out constantly with friends for tea, either that or constantly trying to cling to my boyfriend like a sloth if I could. It seems that the most correct thing to do would be spending more quality times with my family. Thus, I’m back at my parents place the whole month. Well, most of it. The best part is, I can’t believe I am addicted to the chinese drama series and with all the time I have, I’m actually quite ahead of most of my pals I even ruined the ending of Relic Of An Emissary for my boyfriend. Wasting my time by doing so actually (yes it’s a waste of my time, no doubt of it) lets me relax more and, I’m a happier person ever since I left the graveyard shift job.

Never mind the drama series, boyfriend and I even did a movie marathon once when he’s on so-called-MC. When everyone is busy at work, we’re watching Pirates of The Caribbean: On Strangers Tide 3D the day it released and Priest after that. What a day. Lunch before the first movie and dinner after the second movie, good times spent wisely, I think.  Both movie did not make me really happy though. The only movie I am happy with so far for now, it is only Fast and Furious 5. Lots of action and some bloopers for me to look at and laugh when everyone is quietly watching. The only movie that I’ve heard not bad and have yet to watch, would be Thor. I’d wait for the download

Now the next part in line would be waiting for Cindy to get her break so that we all could go for the indoor skating and indulge in the sinful pork rib! Not to mention maybe wanting to go for a session of Xbox 360 Kinect at Xhale in Millennium Square. I know I’ll have time for those but, it itches more when you’re on break and rather have nothing to do at all.

The Gazette - Vortex [Preview]

Yes, the preview is out !

This single will be out on May 25th, 2011. I definitely can't wait for it !! >.<



Long live GazeRock !!!!

Johnnie Walker Black Circuit Lounge April 2011

Held at Le Marquee, Palace of the Golden Horses and spotting quite a number of celebrities like Serena C, Jojo Struys, Fay Hokulani, Hannah Tan (who's the emcee of the night along with some guy I forgot his name) and Reshmonu and having some of them just directly in front of me really makes the whole party having the VVIP feel.

Cocktails served and a bottle of Black Label for every table (which will be refilled with another bottle once empty) plus two mixer and cocktail foods served by 'butlers', I'm definitely a happy person once again going for all these events.

Nonetheless, here's the pictures ! Celebrities pics are not available cuz I'm too busy trying out the cocktails and foods :D








DJ I-Tek from Hong Kong doing his stuff which I personally think is seriously uber awesome-ness and he brought six dancers with him!!






These cars were spotted outside!! When we reached, it was empty, but halfway through the party, this is what we saw... These two are just a small part of it...there's a Porsche and a Ferrari...



And here is our gifts from Johnnie Walker event ! Since we're not under the 'By Invitation Passes' but the contest winner list, we got these babies instead of the miniature Black Label bottle. I loved these better than the bottle seriously.

Final Swim

It lies unmoved, the face strained and pearls of sweats formed
It tries to open its eyes but to no avail
Flashes of pictures come and go
Flash, bright white with puddles of blood
Flash, dark grey with flashes from thunder
Flash, pitch black with heavy rain falling on face
It tries to feel its surrounding but to no avail
All felt was very wet, not dry
Deep, thick, hateful stench, but wet
It tries to listen to it surrounding but to no avail
All heard was sounds of heavy rain drop
All heard was sounds of thunder, Angry Thor slamming his lights
Not even a slight insect sound was heard
Nor the frog who would sing under the rain
Try as it may, with the senses all dulled, to no avail
It lies without peace, breathing its final breath,
It leaves the shell
The shell that was soaked heavily on a pool of tainted blood

The Down Time in My Life

Seriously, I’ve never been this depressed. I’ve always thought that, whatever it is, Kristy should be able to handle it. Well well, what do you know. Mom’s car would not start no matter what I did. I checked everything and it seems fine, apparently. Well, that never mattered. What matters most? The wallet is empty. It was definitely unexpected. But why now? Not having a single cent in the wallet is bad enough, car down and I’ve gotta skip class altogether to get the damn car work? Marvellous. This is definitely the greatest triple combo I’ve ever felt.

Thankfully, boyfriend told me it was mostly battery problem. I doubted it would be that simple. Maybe it is. Maybe not. I’m not a pro when it comes to mechanical stuff. I only know how to change the tires and I thought that was good enough –.- Again, I tried my luck after boyfriend poured in the battery water. Sent him off to work ( I took his car obviously), got my breakfast, done eating, tried to lousy luck and it failed on me miserably again.

Now I’ve gotta resort to calling my dad up to come and take a look at that damn car… FML totally. 

New Year, New Place

Finally!! We’ve already moved from that hell hole and thanks to all the friends, we’ve managed to move and clean everything up. Now all that is left, is cleaning up the entire house. Well, of course, we’re leaving that for the cleaning maids. At this new room, although it’s a tad more cramped after everything is being setup, I feel more at home compared to the previous place.

Funniest thing is that, we moved everything on the eve of the new year and thanks to some friends, we managed to clear up everything and still able to make it for the countdown! We had a great view from paramount ‘mamak’ and MidValley kept our eyes busy while feasting on tons of chickens! It ends with us going to Cindy’s place and drink the beers from the BBQ party that we had recently. A lot of pictures were never uploaded and still kept in my phone. Will find a proper time to upload it all at one go!

Well, gotta pen off now. Need to head out to shop for stuff for the new place! Happy New Year all !!